The Comics Journal Asks

Someone Who’s Spoken Out

A number of women have spoken out about the behavior of comic creators, recently.  One of them was kind enough to speak with us.  I wanted to talk to her and hoped she could just answer a couple general questions about what this experience of speaking out recently has been like for her.  

Let me note: she was completely willing to speak to us on the record and about the details of what had happened with her. But I was hesitant to do so and asked that she instead speak with us anonymously-- and that we avoid discussing the details of what happened to her. I requested this for at least the following four reasons:  

1. There are limitations on me as an author to investigate the details of her story, as I would be ethically required to do if we got into the details of it. I don’t have the journalistic connections or resources to mount a whole investigation, and an investigation like that was too far outside the scope of the round-up I was tasked to write; 
2. We live in a litigious world, and so I worried about encouraging someone to take steps that I could not guarantee would be without risk of harm. People have been sued in comics (and recently) for speaking their personal truths, and that is a source of concern for me here; 
3. There is harassment that I’ve seen recently of people sharing their stories online. While she might not be afraid of that harassment, the guilt of exposing another person to that harassment would not be small for me, and I am, in contrast to her (to all of these women!), a coward; and 
4. I actually was genuinely curious about these questions! And I thought it might be better for a reader to hear answers to them without the urge to “debate the fine-point details of one person’s particular situation” interfering with hearing about and thinking about what she was saying.

We thank our anonymous interview-ee for agreeing to these limitations.  

It took you and other women some time to share what had happened with you. Many have waited years. I guess I was wondering why you felt so many women have been scared about saying something before. Did you believe it’d impact your own journey in comics negatively? Or did it just hurt too much to talk about?  

I confided in some close friends what had happened to me after the incident originally happened, and their reaction was indifference. They sort of shrugged their shoulders and excused my abuser’s behavior as “well that’s how they are.” Even the people I thought I could trust excused his behavior and continued supporting him. 

The apathy I received from people who I thought were my friends deterred me from speaking up. My thought process for the longest time was, “what's the point if even my friends don't care?”

It kept me from wanting to get involved in the comics community; it killed my passion for creative endeavors for a long time. It's still difficult to trust people in the community, but I want to put out my work for myself and not anybody else.

After telling your story, you’ve mentioned to me feeling a weight being off your shoulders. But I could also see that it seemed like a very stressful experience for you to go through, at times. I’ve seen tweets of people responding that have been supportive, but also certainly, tweets that I read as being quite cruel. Some time has now passed. Do you feel good about your choice to begin speaking out?

I don't regret speaking out, but sadly I've lost people who I thought were my friends in the process. It showed me people's true colors and intentions-- it hurt because these were friends I trusted with very personal aspects of my daily life. Some even participated and attended my wedding only to stab me in the back and say I was in the wrong for standing up and speaking out. 

It did strengthen the bond with my true friends, and showed me what a great support system I have and how fortunate I am to have them in my life. My friends and loved ones were a huge motivator in coming forward-- I’m so grateful I can’t even put into words how lucky I am to have such patient and gracious friends. They've let me cry, scream, and get my feelings out about everything. I've learned bottling my trauma and negative experiences only makes it worse and hurts me more in the end. It felt a little corny at first but I honestly felt like all the negativity lifted off my chest and I felt so light at the end of it.

After someone has told their stories, a lot of times you can see men trying to be supportive, in their “replies”… men who are then themselves exposed for some misconduct. Why do you think those men aren’t just staying quiet?  

I think the need for a lot of men to say something and speak out is so they don't look guilty being complacent to the actions of other guilty men. Unfortunately they get ahead of themselves and overstep their boundaries which then leads to people catching them in their lies. They get comfortable thinking they can get away with their behavior by being an ally or saying they'll support victims when in reality that is not the case.

One of the things that have been remarkable about this moment is seeing how one woman’s courage has encouraged another woman’s courage, and on and on. This is the part of the “story” that feels new to me-- I’ve seen one scandal or another come and go before, but I’ve never seen this sort of … infectious quality of truth-telling that we saw.   

I think the quarantine contributed by giving victims a much needed break from the convention scene where this behavior takes place or begins at. I know personally I feel safer coming forward when I don't have to go to a convention next month and have to deal with backlash in public. I miss my fellow creator friends but I also can't help but be paranoid and anxious about what they think about me coming forward. 

I've thought over the years how and when I was gonna share my story. I stayed up at night thinking how I'd word and put together my thoughts on what happened to me. It plagued me to think there might be someone else out there that had also been through a similar situation such as mine. I always stopped myself from sharing because of the responses I would get. 

When the 'Me Too' movement originally started a lot of the people coming forward were getting cross examined and doubted that their experiences were fabricated. This go around of people sharing their stories was different, I saw a lot more support and sympathy. 'I'm sorry, and I believe you,' was the constant response I saw and got myself.

In terms of why I came forward I'd had enough of the fake empathy from male creators that had supposed feminist views. I snapped-- I was done sitting on the sidelines waiting to share. I knew I had to say something or else it would continue.  It's unacceptable the way these men think they can get away with their actions or words. I shared my story to open the door so others could come forward and feel safe to share their own. 

To anyone who is scared or unsure about speaking out know that there's many others who've been in your shoes and unfortunately you are not alone. We are here, we will support you, and we will listen to you.