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We’re All Sorry About The Choices You Made, But I Still Need Fries

Ah, that Nate Bulmer. He’s like a young Garth Ennis, this guy.

HOUSEKEEPING!

This column, along with the rest of this website, will be off celebrating the birth of our fictional Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is believed to have been born in a manger to a virgin named Mary many, many years ago in another country far from here, but we will return in 2013 with a list of comics that we think were the best of the year. It won’t be that surprising of a list, because 2012 wasn’t that surprising of a year, unless you’re trying to make a name for yourself by pretending that the people who are good are actually bad, or the people who are bad are actually good, in which case: you will probably have a lot of fun, because a whole bunch of supremely uninteresting people with generic, bullshit ideas churned out a whole bunch of generic, bullshit comic books. Now, there were some surprises to be had, of course–some of them Big Two books, as well as a few out-of-nowhere freaks by the 100-print-run shut-ins–but for the most part, every good comic book there was to read came from a person you’d already heard of, and in most cases, you’d already heard of them 10 years ago. Whether that’s a bad thing or not depends on what type of argument you’re trying to have (or what you’re trying to prove), and it also depends on what you’re coming to the table for in the first place–do you want a good time, or do you want a good meal? (And if you’re the type of asshole that says you want both, that’s no problem: you’re an asshole, and you’re in good company.)

So let’s leave it like this, because we’re shit for planning. Your randomly chosen review, Abhay’s conclusive take on the last bits of news likely to squirt out before everybody departs to celebrate not having to go to work, and then we’ll be gone, that much closer to the moment when we can all ready Amazing Spider-Man 700. Oh yeah: let’s talk about that:

Amazing Spider-Man #700
By Dan Slott, Humberto Ramos, Victor Olazaba, Edgar Delgado
Published by Marvel Comics

Okay, so here’s the thing: I’ve never met a shitty Spider-Man fan. I know without a shadow of a doubt that a whole, massive list of horrible Spider-Man fans exist–one of the first things that the internet will teach you is that horrible Spider-Man fans are one of the foundational legs of English language comic-book fandom, that their abhorrent, horrifying monomania is very nearly the fiber and spine of so many websites that the recent spectacle of so many of those websites decrying the death threats that the writer of this comic book (Dan Slott) was beginning to receive carried with it the same level of absurdity as McDonald’s executives berating their more obese customers for making bad nutritional choices. Robot 6, Newsarama, MTV Geek, that website where English majors claim that Jonathan Hickman is “changing the game entirely”–their audiences aren’t just composed of the rational, good-natured Spider-Man readers that you can easily meet pretty much anywhere that Spider-Man comics happen to be sitting, their audiences include a special breed of lunatic, because no sane human being with a passing interest in Amazing Spider-Man comics reads the repetitive idiocy of us comic-book bloggers and reacts to it in a public fashion: they just read the fucking comic book. And, regardless of whatever this website or Boing Boing or whatever other hipster anti-super-hero-comic website tells you, Amazing Spider-Man comics, like the core Batman title over at DC, is and pretty much always has been designed to be readable completely outside of the context of whatever submental clusterfuck epic crossover storyline Marvel happens to be publishing, and when it does happen to bump into that horseshit, the people at the helm work to get it out as quickly as possible. Spider-Man is a firewall book: despite its torrid, ungainly history of shitty, shitty stories, it’s made for Spider-Man fans first, and Marvel Comics fans second: and while there’s a ton of assholes online, in the flesh, Peter’s people seem to be as close to meat and potatoes as you can get, short of actual meat and potatoes people, who in reality have zero interest in reading and spend most of their time watching some show where a decrepit Mark Harmon acts like a joke from Reader’s Digest.

Or, at least: that’s the way I’ve always thought it worked. Personally, I can’t tolerate Spider-Man as a character, and while I spent the requisite time that all comic book readers do parroting the idea that “it’s the creators that matter,” this is inherently a posture only taken by super-hero comic fans who are trying to separate themselves from  what they perceive as an embarrassing way to read comic books, i.e., the one where you acknowledge that the primary pleasure of a long-running super-hero narrative is tied into the fact that it is long-running. (It might someday be worth looking at the blissful incongruence of statements about “creators mattering” coming out of an audience whose primary bodies of interest all stem from monolithic corporations, but that day will have to come after the creators themselves make more than one or two token moves towards looking after themselves; if the last year has taught us anything, it’s that comics pros haven’t quite hit their personal Sister Christian moment quite yet.)

Which should lead us to this comic, right? This oh-so-controversial comic, wherein a massive (and yet easily reversible) twist occurs, shaking the long-running series to its very core in a way that has rocked the world of comics fandom by storm, by which I mean: some people said horrible things about the guy who wrote the comic, and a few hyperbolic articles were written about these lunatic reactions, including one I started to read that you can easily find if you’re a glutton for sheer dumbfuckery where some asshole brings up that horrible business in Newton, Connecticut and pretends that there’s some kind of connection to the way an obese misanthropic shut-in uses Twitter when said obese misanthrope gets his forty-year-old feelings hurt by what he heard might have happened in an eight-dollar comic book written by mean old Dan Slott, who, if you’ve never met him, so closely resembles an actual hobbit that it’s almost impossible not to tear off his shoes to see how much hair is growing on the tops of his feet.

I liked this comic. I don’t like Spider-Man, I have no affection for the art, and I couldn’t care less about the supporting cast or the future of this comic; I have no intention of re-reading it or even looking at the previous parts. And yet I still thought this was one of the more inventive turns of plot I had read in one of these oh-god-everything-has-to-change-as-a-way-to-make-people-buy-this-piece-of-shit comics in a long time. It’s a decent piece of mercenary fiction, and I can imagine it working for the people its supposed to work for quite well. The fact that it’s going to upset so many lunatics?

Hey. Maybe this God thing isn’t bullshit after all.

This would normally be a time for reflection. I thought that this merry holiday time of year meant things would quiet down, and I could retire from saying irrationally mean things about comics and start saying irrationally mean things about Christmas. But comics aren’t done with 2012 yet, and remain tumescent with a Shittiness Boner still somehow not spent. So: business as usual until the bitter end.

How has the Year in Comics ended?

Welll, Marvel Comics almost owned Starstruck, a creator-owned comic published briefly by Marvel’s long-gone Epic imprint in about 1984. Marvel sent letters that Starstruck creators Michael Kaluta and Elaine Lee claimed “[challenged] our rights” and “sent us rummaging through 30-year-old documents, looking for proof that we own what we own,” Luckily, Kaluta & Lee managed to find paper that had survived the 9-11 attacks, Hurricane Katrina, the Oklahoma City bombing, the Los Angeles riots, the fall of Communism, all of Whitney Houston’s albums, Whitney Houston’s reality show, Whitney Houston’s death, basically the entire Whitney Houston experience, the Dukakis campaign, two wars over who would host The Tonight Show, fires, floods, earthquakes, countless shooting rampages, and out-of-control house parties (including pajama jammie jams) — paper that had survived decades of human history and human misery.

So, they get to keep what they own.

But for creators who didn’t successfully maintain the integrity of paper over thirty years, this news may have caused some anxiety. The good news is rumor has it that they will get to keep owning their property, provided that on the day of their marriage, Spider-Man employee Dan Slott is allowed to have carnal knowledge of their blushing new brides. Known under various terms like “jus primae noctis,” “droit du seigneur,” “right of the first night,” etc., this rarely enforced legal loophole is expected to be tenderly embraced by comic’s serf class hoping to avoid otherwise crippling legal fees, provided that Slott survive the death threats allegedly being directed to him at the moment by primates for some numbing reason or another..

(Marvel fans with long memories will proudly remember this as the second reported incident of Marvel seeking ownership-via-cease-&-desist this year.)

Meanwhile, DC ended its year with Girl Purge 2012 in full swing. Gail Simone got fired from writing DC Comics’s Batgirl. Merry Christmas. In addition to building perhaps the strongest online relationship with DC fans extant on her “off hours,” Simone had written the previous 16 issues of the Batgirl title, before being forced off the title due to “creative disputes.”

Simone was told she was fired by e-mail.

Had she only worked for the company for 6 year, it is expected that Simone would have received an after-midnight text message stating, “U FIRED. L8R. ROTFL.” Luckily, Simone has worked for the company for about 9-10 years, so she got a lush, full e-mail. Had she worked there for only 3 or 4 years, DC would have been within their rights to fire Gail Simone from a cannon.

It’s nice to see all her hard work pay off.

Popular creators being flung off books with which they’re strongly associated by the editors whose ephemeral whims they ultimately service– that’s always been a routine, if not humdrum feature of mainstream comics. “You Are All Anonymous, Replacable Cogs” is on the banner that industrial comics has up at office birthday parties. While only obnoxious internet trolls with emotional issues (like me) tell them they deserve to be anonymous cogs (they all do! I’m sad all the time!), this is still not news; this was on the brochure. Nevertheless, comics employees still somehow reacted with shock upon being reminded that they are entirely expendable: “I’ve been silently, professionally irritated at DC for some time now but this with @GailSimone sealed the deal. Now I’m disgusted,” tweeted Marjorie Liu.”It’s not as if @GailSimone wasn’t getting the numbers. She was in the middle of a critical and sales hit,” tweeted Paul Cornell. “This is so fucked up I have no proper words,” tweeted JH Williams III.

It is hoping that lacking words, JH Williams III expresses how “fucked up” things are through an overly complicated layout with lots of circles and wavy lines and panel-to-panel style-changes. There could be a frowny-smiley-face inside of a red circle. Very moving.

“That’s why creator-owned comics are so important– because they’re on the side of readers and creators,” yelled someone reading this who doesn’t think there are going to be more paragraphs after this one.

The year in creator-owned comics ended with the bizarre spectacle of Image Comics announcing, retracting, clarifying, tearing, folding, and mutilating a nebulous “not-a-policy” that they’re going to quit reprinting its hit comics, sometimes, maybe, perhaps.

What is reprinting? When a comic book sells out, and there are people who still want to read it and retailers who want to sell it to them, comic companies can print more copies (or “reprint the issue”) rather than tell all those people to go fuck themselves. This is to the benefit of retailers, readers– why, even creators. For example, reprinting came in handy this year, when Image failed to guess that Fatale would be a bigger hit than the Fatale creative team’s previous comics, Criminal or Incognito. Fatale‘s first issue was reprinted at least four times, and its second issue was reprinted at least three times.

As far as I can tell, the only thing that reprinting does not benefit is the fast-pace thrilling monocle-wearing world of comic speculation. So.

Image initially announced that they were ending reprinting for titles which are “known over-performers” in a letter to retailers slash  accusatory banshee-wail castigation of comic retailers who had committed the horrific sin of trying to sell Image Comics: “Should we have told you specifically ‘Order a lot of this one’? Well, did we really need to?… And its FOC came just two weeks after I quite single-mindedly harangued you about order numbers decreasing with each issue of even our most popular titles, using math. (Math, people!)… Knowing you can count on reprintings has encouraged caution when none is called for, and that hurts you as much as it does us.”

Yes, Image Comics put the cherry on top of this shit sundae of the year by attacking the concept of CAUTION. Comics: where CAUTION is a dirty word. CAUTION! They’re using the word CAUTION as a derogatory term.

Caution.

But wait, devil’s advocate: after all, why would retailers ever want to be cautious about Image Comics? Why not just buy buy buy? To find that out, you would have to lower your eyeballs a half-inch while reading the exact same press release attacking retailers for ordering Image Comics cautiously: “Non-Humans #2 — I know. It’s late, and lateness is a death knell for sales numbers. But! This is the return to Image by Whilce Portacio, and a 33% drop in orders seems a mite steep, considering that Non-Humans #1 sold out.”

Why would retailers be cautious about product that is constantly late?  I don’t know– I’m too busy re-reading that first issue of Nonplayer to even try to guess.  (You are my favorite joke of them all, Nonplayer). Caution and Whilce Portacio comics– does not compute; does not compute; circuits … overloading;  what is this strange thing you humans call “french kissing?” Show. the. robot.

Image’s initial letter was somehow not greeted with “Huzzahs” and rousing renditions of “Auld Lang Syne” by the retail community. Image then awkwardly issued a retraction of the policy, then issued a clarification of the retraction. Then, ironically, Image reprinted the issuing of the retraction, confusing the shit out of everyone. At least, this was all met by with far more positive reception by comic retailers, who triumphantly returned to heckling the Magic: The Gathering games in their shops with a fresh spring in their step.

So. What have we learned this week?

I think the answer is clear. People who work in comics should stop checking their mail! None of these stories are about good things coming in the mail. E-mail, snail mail– nothing good comes in the mail, with comics. No more mail! It’s just time to go off the grid. From what I understand, an adorable, furry pile of man named Jesus Christ went off the grid for a few years too, and when he came back, people were much more into what he had to say, not counting the assholes who nailed him to a tree or whatever all that was about. So, isn’t that what the holiday season is REALLY all about? Not buying. Not consumption. But going off the grid, making your own rules, ripping off your shirt and dancing around a bonfire, triple-kissing robots and Spider-Man‘s Dan Slott, jumping out of moving cars, snatching purses from old ladies, running from cops, getting fired from cannons into house parties, pajama jammie jamming all the way. In a word: Christmas.

Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays and/or Bah-Humbug to you and yours.


51 Responses to We’re All Sorry About The Choices You Made, But I Still Need Fries

  1. Frank Santoro says:

    This bit made me spit my coffee all over the kitchen table in laughter – “It is hoping that lacking words, JH Williams III expresses how “fucked up” things are through an overly complicated layout with lots of circles and wavy lines and panel-to-panel style-changes. There could be a frowny-smiley-face inside of a red circle. Very moving.”

  2. Pallas says:

    Funny thing is I remember Dan Slott’s response when someone got death threats for saying a superhero movie performance was bad (previously reported here):

    “Threats of any kind against anyone at @Newsarama over a 10 Best/10 Worst list is insane and uncalled for.” Slott continued, “But insults? […] Seriously, what were you EXPECTING? […] On the death threats– I’m right there with you. NOTHING merits that. But the insults? Sorry, you don’t get to pull out the wagging finger on those.””

    This is the carnival freak show culture Slott is proud of.

  3. Tyler Bruns says:

    Gail Simone is the most replaceable writer in comics. I honestly don’t know why she just doesn’t farm out her name like James Patterson since her work lacks any distinction or merit. Just grab any scrub out of the comic shop that thinks he really ‘gets’ a fictional character and doesn’t care much about “art” or “visuals” and you’re halfway there.

  4. Pingback: Kibbles ‘n’ Bits, 12/21/12 — we’re still here

  5. Lightning Lord says:

    In other words, “I don’t like her so it’s ok she got fired by email”

  6. Lightning Lord says:

    I don’t like Disney either, but the Starstruck thing was no doubt some robotic junior functionary at their legal department thinking it had something to do with their lousy TV movie by the same name. It wasn’t a coldly calculated move. It was resolved too quickly to be that. Why would it be? Starstruck, although pretty great, is a cult comic that didn’t light the sales charts on fire even when it was new. The real problem here is that even Disney’s screw-ups can potentially damage people’s careers and lives forever.

  7. Lightning Lord says:

    Haha, someone saying that on an article run in The Carnival Freak Show that Gary Groth Built is too rich.

  8. Pallas says:

    Whether or not you like her work, (and I didn’t like her Batgirl either)

    1) She had a huge following

    2) She was this cheerleader for DC comics, basically doing full time PR on the internet saying how wonderful everyone as DC is and how everyone is best friends and the books aren’t misogynist at all since the ” bad old women in refrigerator” days and DC Comics are the best. (remember she’s a fangirl that only accidently turned writer, and fangirls seem to love her)

    It was clearly a bad business move to let her go, and a bad PR move. And the editor clearly mismanaged a successful book by firing her (And should be fired for misconduct and unprofessional behavior.) it’s not an editors job to “fix” a popular book by a popular writer.

  9. Pallas says:

    So you think Disney lawyers just go around threatening to sue everyone without doing research? Its possible but odd.

  10. Lightning Lord says:

    No, I don’t think they run around suing everyone without research, I just think someone dropped the ball in this case. If they were really being malicious or wanted the book, they would have gone ahead and sued anyway, hoping to exhaust Lee and Kaluta through legal fees and making them sell it. It was just resolved too quickly.

    It’s a good lesson – we don’t only have to worry about the intentional actions of corporations. Their blundering can crush us too.

  11. Zig Zag Zig says:

    I can’t say much about her Batgirl or Birds of Prey work since I haven’t read it, but I anticipated every issue of SECRET SIX for most of her run on the title. I think that you haven’t read Simone’s work very attentively if you feel that she doesn’t have her own distinct flavour. She’s not an Artist, but she’s got chops and knows how to mix humour and PG13 darkness without forcing it.

    I’d take her work over nearly anyone else’s in the DC stable (which, I know!, isn’t saying much, but there you have it).

  12. Pallas says:

    “If they were really being malicious or wanted the book, they would have gone ahead and sued anyway,”

    In theory lawyers can be sanctioned if they are so out of line that there’s no evidence at all to think they are making true claims. That’s the way things are supposed to work in theory, at any rate, not sure whether they do work that way. So I’m not sure they could have sued anyway unless they were willing to commit fraud by doctoring up fake 30 year old contracts or something.

    Not sure….

  13. George Bush (not that one) says:

    Now Simone back at DC , WTF DC u so wacky.

  14. mateor says:

    No fries here. Cinnamon twists only.

  15. Andrew Taylor says:

    I would be surprised by the death threats Dan Slott is getting if not for four things: 1) as Tucker pointed out, the “twist” is easily reversible, 2) the death threats critics got for not liking the Avengers, Batman, and Spider-Man movies this year, 3) that there was (maybe) a 2-3 year period last decade where Spider-Man comics weren’t horrible or boring retreads of someone else’s boring retread (Brand New Day), and 4) Marvel and Slott weren’t actively courting this reaction from their fans.

    Seriously. “Oh, I’m going into hiding once #700 hits ROFLMAO” sums up the marketing for this comic. I’d pity everyone involved–Marvel’s need to resort to these lame tactics to get anyone to give a crap about what’s ostensibly their flagship title, or the fanboys getting played by easy hucksterism–if they all weren’t so mean-spirited about it. Instead, I’m just sad that Ryan Stegman (an artist I really enjoy) is going to be drawing Dan Slott-written Spider-Man comics.

    Not sad for him, I’m sure it’ll be a cushy gig for however long he can milk it for, just sad that he won’t be drawing anything I’d want to read.

  16. Andrew Taylor says:

    Ugh, have to clarify point #3: that the comics were crappy for so long, yet it’s this that fans choose to rattle sabers about is just silly.

  17. Andrew Taylor says:

    “It’s a good lesson – we don’t only have to worry about the intentional actions of corporations. Their blundering can crush us too.”

    The sad thing is, it would be a lot more comforting if all the terrible stuff was the result of intent. That most, if not all, of those things are the result of these conglomerates being filled with morons just makes it…terrifying.

  18. pallas says:

    The Spider-man office is WEIRD. I just saw some posts from Marvel editor Stephen Wacker on comic book resources, apparently he just goes online and spends all day writing things like “MY COMIC DOESN”T SUCK YOU SUCK!!!!”

    Really really weird. I thought people working for billion dollar corporations had to be careful what they say and stuff. Apparently not? (And Dan Slott argues with fans online too, I think…)

    Most other creators seem to try to act mature and above it all…..

  19. tommy says:

    I figured out why this column sucks. I thought it was good the first few times I read it because it seemed to mercilessly criticize a medium which deserves merciless criticism. But the more I read it the more I realize… this guy actually likes Marvel Comics. He’s a self loathing Marvel Zombie. It’s one thing to criticize Grant Morrison, but to then turn around and praise hacks like Ed Brubaker and Dan Slott… well it kinda gives the game away.

  20. tommy says:

    And what’s with the whole weird screed about how great Spider Man fans are?

  21. R. Fiore says:

    You know, I’ve got a pallid bust of you somewhere. Got birdshit all over it, though.

  22. Dan Coyle says:

    Nah. Tucker just wants to remind us all that, despite all the haterade, he’s not one of THOSE fans. Look, he liked this supposedly stupid Spider-Man comic, even though he couldn’t offer a single reason as to why except attacking fans and critics and even the damn writer.

    I guess he’s afraid Slott will give him nasty looks at con bars.

  23. Tyler Bruns says:

    First of all, this all turned out to be a great big sound and fury signifying nothing since Simone is right back where she started and will seemingly have a long career of pumping out lame scripts.

    Of course, I don’t think it is right she got fired via e-mail. I don’t think that is professional behavior, but I’m not in the habit of defending DC lately. Out of all the business decisions they’ve recently made, I don’t see how this is that out of the ordinary. I also don’t think people would care if this was Scott Lobdell, Howard Mackie or several other ‘replaceable cogs’ as Tucker put it.

    However, I would have figured that the TCJ would be the one spot on the internet that might adequately address Simone’s output as a writer and why this wasn’t exactly a catastrophe for the world of art.

    I don’t think she has that huge a following. I also don’t feel sorry for her that she was a cheerleader for DC Comics and got treated poorly. You reap what you sow. That’s ironic and a little funny, not a tragedy.

    I love the term ‘accidental writer” to describe Simone as that is exactly how her comics read. Like somebody that just got handed a superhero comic book after a steady diet of superhero comic books. But I’ve wasted far too much time typing about this.

  24. Lightning Lord says:

    The pearl-clutching tantrums that people on here throw when a columnist says something remotely positive or simply doesn’t spew bile about mainstream comics are hilarious. The desire to live in an echo chamber where all mentions of superhero comics are completely filtered out is so strong, there is endless kvetching about a column that solely exists to mock them.

    Come on, Abhay evoked Simone in order to shittalk DC, you should be over the moon, this whole thing is a huge embarrassment, more evidence that they’re complete fools who don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But no, someone said they’re lukewarm about Simone. How dare they! Don’t they know how terrible she is and thus deserved to be fired through email by some dude who nearly failed out of journalism school at SUNY? Between that and the rage directed at Tucker for the high crime of not absolutely despising a particular comic – and you also know that the whole thing is an “even when they’re good they’re bad” jab – I think we have our “Mainstream comics!? Not on my watch!” outrage covered.

  25. Tyler Bruns says:

    Nobody is interested in your speculation. I read mainstream comics. I’ve enjoyed a lot of them (not so much right now though there are a couple). I disagree with this column quite a bit.

    I said right there that, of course, Simone didn’t deserve to be fired by e-mail. Nobody does. But her work isn’t even terrible. It isn’t memorable enough to be that. And I think a lot of that is that she doesn’t really know her craft other than the superhero soap opera stuff that has been overdone since the 90’s.

  26. Allen Smith says:

    What I can’t figure out is how DisMar gets away with challenging Lee/Kaluta on ownership when they apparently can’t prove that they own the Marvel universe anyway. Other than the fact that a few corporate asskissing federal district court judges think they do.

  27. Lightning Lord says:

    MarNey works better.

  28. Allen Smith says:

    Oh, I have a better name for the conglomeration, only certain email lists might not accept combination names that contain the word “shit” in them.

  29. Lightning Lord says:

    If anything, Tucky is a lapsed “I’m gonna go ahead and buy War Games because hey, I’ve been reading Batman comics for most of my life anyway” fanboy. Tucker is giving the book a non-compliment. It could have easily been phrased as “You know, this comic wasn’t the worst thing on the planet, which is what I expect from the vast majority of superhero comics”

  30. Kyle says:

    Hey, Spider-Man fans are good people.

  31. Kyle says:

    … whereas his chin has got snot.

  32. Allen Smith says:

    Sorry, Pallas, but if the comics industry fired everyone who was unprofessional, who’d be left? No need to answer, the question is rhetorical.

  33. Don Druid says:

    Look at the average superhero reader online at Newsarama. What on Earth is the downside for an editor shouting at those readers to tell them what they do and do not want? What are they going to do, not buy the comic with their favorite character? Those comics have whittled themselves down to a readership that will buy them eventually, no matter what.

  34. Don Druid says:

    You feel so passionately about Tucker that you have written more comments here than anyone else. King yourself!

  35. Pallas says:

    Don,

    If you talk to a Marvel editor like Tom Brevoort, he’ll tell you that Marvel’s goal is to make good comics that appeal to everyone on the planet, not just a small audience of continuity obsessed nostalgic weirdos.

    This may be pure b.s. given the way the books read, but its apparently what Brevoort tells himself so he can live with himself when pumping out 80 part crossovers to make a quick buck.

    Marvel and DC editors generally tend to sit around telling each other how Marvel ad DC are the “major leagues” and everyone else is little league- this is really how at least some of these editors talk to each other. They like to think of themselves as something other than hacks. (It’s not a coincidence that Jim Zub, a comic writer who just got a gig at DC for the first time, just wrote on his blog “Working for DC, one of the “Big Two” of the North American comic book industry, is a real step up in terms of the profile, audience size and legitimacy of my work. It’s the sporting equivalent of moving from triple-A into the major leagues.” Its the sort of stupid nonsense his new DC bosses say to each other. )

    It’s just generally unheard of for someone like Stephen Wacker, instead of sticking to the company line about how professional and great Marvel is, to be trolling the internet saying things like “Peter Parker’s totally dead forever!!! Ha ha ha ha LOLZ. You pissed fanboy, you’re gonna buy it anyway!!!! LOL!!!!!!””

    At least, that’s my impression. ….

  36. Allen Smith says:

    Well, that’s another thing about mainstream comics fans nowdays. They like to congratulate one another on how great they are for being fans of Spider-Man, or Daredevil, or whoever. And there are fewer and fewer of them every day. One big circle jerk. Now, I might have had a little bit of that attitude way back in the sixties when I was a teenager, but then I grew up and my tastes matured just a bit.

    Allen Smith

  37. Strangefate says:

    Right, you’re clearly not the type to congratulate yourself based on the kinds of comics you read. ;)

  38. Allen Smith says:

    I don’t read nearly as many comics as I used to. Wonder why that is?

  39. Allen Smith says:

    Of course, your point is taken, however. But, as far as Spider-Man fans are concerned, I think Spider-Man may have gotten away from the qualities that made him a compelling character for the first, oh, thirty nine or so issues plus annuals, as compared to what he is now after 700 issues of his own book plus who knows how many more issues in the spin off titles.

  40. tommy says:

    By what standard? Are they good people as compared to Superman fans? Are Superman fans huge dicks? The author is singling Spidey out for special praise because he’s a cheerleader for Marvel Inc.

  41. Lightning Lord says:

    That’s gibberish. The author is singling Spider-Man fans for special praise because it’s some nonsense he’s created in order to mock Slott’s reaction to the death threats.

  42. Lightning Lord says:

    Yeah, we’re all kidding ourselves if we don’t pretend that there are tons of tools walking around like King Shit of Fuck Hill because they read Love and Rockets instead of Punch-Man.

  43. Lightning Lord says:

    I know some pedant will call me out for it, so yes, I made a typo.

  44. Lightning Lord says:

    I’m not trying to insult Tucker, this is something he said himself back in the Factual Opinion days, trying to justify to himself why he continued to read, say the Return of Bruce Wayne when he obviously wasn’t enjoying it.

  45. tommy says:

    I wish you were right. Cuz he should be mocking Slott’s reaction (in what was clearly an orchestrated attempt to create controversy), but instead he’s slobbering over Slott. In his own words– “I liked this comic….I thought this was one of the more inventive turns of plot I had read in one of these oh-god-everything-has-to-change-as-a-way-to-make-people-buy-this-piece-of-shit comics in a long time.”
    Just to be clear…the comic Mr. Stone is referring to is Amazing Spiderman 700. And the brilliantly inventive plot twist that he’s praising involves Spiderman and his arch-nemesis Doc Octopus SWITCHING BODIES. And as if that were not inventive enough, the new Doc Oc/ Spidey is now raping Mary Jane Watson. Pretty innovative stuff from “The House of Ideas”.

  46. Allen Smith says:

    Marvel has used the switch bodies thing before, of course. Not often. I’m trying to recall now just who switched bodies with who? Anyone recall the character or the story, it was at least forty years ago.

    Allen Smith

  47. R. Haining says:

    Dr. Doom & Mr. Fantastic, Fantastic Four #10, Captain America & the Red Skull, Captain America #115-119, and Loki & Thor, Thor #179-181.

  48. Kyle says:

    “I don’t read nearly as many comics as I used to. Wonder why that is?”

    Eyesight.

  49. Kyle says:

    Superman fans are ok. But Spider-Man fans are good people.

  50. Starstruck, (while the art was fantastic) was the first serial mentioned in a fan letter as an example of the impenetrable stories that HEavy Metal magazine was publishing in the mid-80’s (1984?) This being right before the EPIC series. Hmmm….did I mention the Kaluta artwork was fan-F’n-tastic?

  51. Allen Smith says:

    Thanks for the information. I no longer have the original comics, I never would have remembered on my own.

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