Hello my mighty comics soldiers! I left off last month's column with cute baby news and here I am starting this month's column with more: Tony Millionaire is a soon-to-be daddy! Some of you may already know this splendid news - it's not exactly new - but did you know that Tony's bella bambina is a girl? My toes are curling with excitement for Tony and his beautiful wife Becky, who are sure to make for one High-Voltage Poppa and Hotsy-Totsy Momma!

But let's jump to this month's big scoop: the folks at DC Comics are a bunch of morons. I know you're saying, "Thanks for the newsflash, Bob Woodword," but let me explain . . . DC is about to release a book called Bizarro World, a hardcover collection of superhero comics by alternative faves Jessica Abel, Dean Haspiel, Dylan Horrocks, etc.. The book is designed by wunderkind Chip Kidd, who called in a favor and roped Dan Clowes into illustrating the cover. You're thinking, "Wow, I gotta get that," but hold your horses, 'cause despite that Clowes wasn't thrilled about the project from the get-go, he delivered a knockout cover out of loyalty to Kidd. Now, I don't read superhero comics, but wot a cover! Here, look for yourselves:

You'd buy it, too, right? Well, guess what? DC rejected it! According to my spies, they thought readers wouldn't "get it" - that they'd think it was a collection of old stuff because of its faux-"Silver Age" look. Hello? Are there even any Silver Age comics out there about endorsement deals, existentialism and penis envy? It's satire, you nincompoops, and alternative comics were founded on it! Ever heard of MAD? The best part of all of this is that both Clowes and Kidd walked, and told the editors they will never work for DC's editorial staff again (although in Kidd's case, he will likely continue to work with the company's licensing division, which is completely separate from the comics division, and Kidd's Batman story for Bizarro World, drawn by Tony "High-Voltage Poppa" Millionaire, will still be included).

Obviously, DC's aesthetic and commercial instincts have hit rock-bottom. Let's count the ways that those honchos at DC are D-U-M-B:

1. Clowes is one of the most respected and best-selling artists of his generation. DC was lucky to get him.
2. Kidd is one of the most respected and best-selling graphic designers of his generation, and for some reason really likes Batman. DC was lucky to have him.
3. The cover, Clowes' first DC work, was a feather in the company's cap.
4. Kidd's design work for DC was another feather in its cap.
5. Aesthetics aside, Clowes is one of the few alternative artists who can sell a cover.
6. Aesthetically, it's a great cover.
7. Clowes will never work for DC again.
8. Chip Kidd may never work for DC again.
9. The new cover, by Matt Groening, may be charming and all, but does anyone really think Groening's a great illustrator?

Something tells me Groening, who by all accounts is a sweetheart, wasn't told what went down before he got involved. It would be one thing to reject a superhero comic book cover for, say, obscenity or vulgarity, but for intelligence? Does that strike you as dumb, DC?

But enough about Clowes. What I really want to do is go on and on about his pal, Richard Sala. Why isn't he in DC's superhero book? Because he's too good for you, that's why. Have you seen Sala's amazing new website? The address is www.richardsala.com, natch! Lotsa artwork up there, some great animation, plus links to sites where you can buy Sala coffee mugs, Halloween Cards, and Monster Paint-By-Number kits. What fun! I should also mention a Sala-related site created by a strapping young man named Jeff Voris. It's called ComicArtCollective.com, and it's a brilliant site, set up so you can buy art directly from your favorite cartoonists, including Sala, Rick Altergott, Jim Blanchard, Mary Fleener and Mr. Peter Bagge!

Well, folks, that's all for now. I gotta go read the new Evil Eye!

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